The advantage that Collaborative Divorce offers over the traditional litigation process is that both spouses sit in the same room and with the guidance of their attorneys and neutral professionals develop potential outcomes to ultimately lead to a settlement of the marital issues. By looking into the others eyes, each spouse has an opportunity to express their needs on how the divorce will look. The use of eye contact during negotiations is a powerful energy that diffuses conflict and barriers that get in the way of agreement. It speaks not so much louder than words but in support of them.
All the issues including financial and child rearing decisions can be discussed open and honesty in a forum that the traditional divorce model does not offer. By each partner taking responsibility for their needs in the dissolution, their ‘I” speaks loud and clear. Its not their attorneys that develop the potential outcomes as well as the ultimate agreement, its the divorcing spouses. The use of the word “I” steers away from blame and judgment and gets to the core of the conflict without the emotions that come with that.
A friend made a great observation about the movie “Avatar” when the characters greeted each other looking into their eyes saying “I see you”. This is how we connect with others and communicate what we need and how we receive that message. Thus the power of “I”‘s and “eye”‘s in all we communicate.
I found the attached article “Collaborative Law: A Safe Container of Mediation and Advocacy” by Laurie Israel, Esq. to be quite informative on the collaborative divorce practice and the balance it provides to the process.
I have also provided a musical accompaniment to highlight the power of the “eyes” and “I”‘s in our existence.