In my practice, I represent many people in pain who are going through a significant change in their life, They are working through hurt, anger and a multitude of emotions while coping with the end of their marriage. Every client brings with them a different set of circumstances and needs I must identify and work with. Much of the reason for their relationship not working of course lies with the couples inability to work through life’s challenges. However much of the conflict can be traced back to unresolved issues that they brought into the marriage. These unresolved issues have become the ties that bind them to their past. The question is how to proceed and what can be done to heal.
My first question to those who seek my advice is whether they have sought counseling as a couple and individually. That is the starting point for conflict and past issues to be resolved. That arena has the best expertise to deal with such emotional issues before the legal ones can be tackled.If that is unsuccessful for whatever reason and the couple proceeds to divorce, the issues that ended the marriage still must be resolved. Before the legal issues can be agreed and settled upon, the couple emotional issues must be dealt with. Traditional divorce is not structured to provide the support couples needs to amicably end their marriage and enable them to move on with their life healthily. Litigating the divorce in court is adversarial with one goal in mind – WINNING. And there usually is only one winner.
The Collaborative process provides the framework for the couple to decide the outcome of their divorce. With a neutral mental health and financial professional, the parties have a safe environment to flush out issues that are emotionally affecting their ability to come to agreement on the legal issues before them. Most importantly, they have an opportunity to face the ties that have bound them during the marriage and before. The couple can then begin their new journey with a clean slate in a better place to be productive and healthier especially when they enter into their next significant relationship. In breaking the ties that bind them, they can co-parent more effectively which will provide their children a happier place to grow and thrive in their significant relationships. This is what its all about. This is how to proceed. This is Collaborative Divorce.
I have attached an appropriate musical interlude as well as the lyrics. In-Joy and pass it on to those who could benefit.