We seem to live in a society of instant gratification. Everything is so fast paced with cellphones, text messaging, the web, Facebook, Twitter yada yada yada. We are used to getting things when we want, how we want it and the way we want it. This need evolved over time with the surge of technology and we just went along with it. I have seen this evolution in the way clients expectations have changed. In my cases, there is a preconceived notion on how their divorce is be resolved which is based on many factors. They look at how other divorces have been settled or more accurately how they think or heard these cases worked out. Some spouses believe that fairness should be the standard when deciding how they want their divorce resolved based on how they were treated during the marriage. Others feel that they are entitled to a certain outcome just because.
Very few looking to divorce take the time or even know how to look at what they really need. We as a society have been inundated with accumulating wealth and stuff and have come to believe that this is a measure of what their true worth is. With this mindset, it makes the traditional divorce model of litigation more difficult and complicated than it would be left to its own devices. When you have both spouses trying to get what they want or deserve and their attorneys trying to accomplish this herculean feat, its no wonder the parties not only not get what they want, they don’t even come close to getting what they need. You wind up with not only one but usually two unhappy campers that are now left to go out in the world and sort out this mess at everyone else’s expense. I don’t mean this as a slap in the face of the divorced couple but there is a better way to heal their pain.
By choosing Collaborative Divorce, couples take control of the outcome of the process. As professionals, we empower the spouses to take responsibility of what they really need in resolving their divorce issues. With the help of a neutral mental health and financial professional, the parties understand the difference between what they would like to achieve and what they really need in dissolving the marriage. The meeting place between the spouses is easier to come together from a need based position than want based. When you deal with needs, you come not from a thinking place but from feelings which is where all settlements are achieved. This is done quicker, more effectively, more efficiently and many times more economically than traditional divorce litigation. You can’t always get what you want, but you can get what you need. Sounds like a song on the way.